Real life steps in again

You might have noticed I've been rather slow in posting a new entry here.

This is not the first time that I have taken several days to post something. Observant readers to this little corner of the Web have correctly noticed that such things happen when my personal life away from this blog gets particularly busy.

Such is the case once more in this instance. Our program director at the radio station at which I work has determined that all of us who work behind the scenes for a large portion of our work week will have our work schedules altered on occasion to give us more exposure to other parts of our operation. That is happening to me at this time, so I've not been able to just sit down at my computer and just rattle off my thoughts to you.

This situation will be occurring randomly over the next several weeks...so don't be surprised if you see more periods of silence like this on occasion for a while.

But when I get the chance to post something, I will...please be patient with me for the time being.

Not quite a New Year’s resolution

I'm not one to make New Year's resolutions.

The main reason for that is because the sorts of things people usually make New Year's resolutions to do are things we all should be doing anyway. I don't need to formalize such wishes by submitting them to a societal ritual.

But today, I just decided I need to do something that I've not done for too long.

Since I suffered a stroke in April 2002, I've been plagued with dysarthria...a common effect of a stroke, and especially debilitating for me, since I've made my living for the past 25 years in radio. I'm healthy for the most part...it's not as though that problem affects my life that much, except that the ability to speak clearly and distinctly is an essential in my line of work, and it has limited my work life during the past six years, and it hurts me inside quite a bit.

Today I was reading some material on dysarthria, and noticed that there ARE things I can do to minimize or perhaps cure it altogether...and I've been smacking myself all day wondering why I never tried to do those things during these past few years.

I've come a long way back through the exercises I was given in the period just following my stroke, and I still do those exercises every day.

But it's never ceased to torment me that I've not recovered more...and after reading what I did today, I've decided that I've had enough!

So now I'm going to dedicate myself to leaving no more stones unturned to do all I can to once and for all, vanquish any signs of speech impairment I have left.

And part of the reason I'm posting it here is to give myself the necessary motivation to keep on trying to wipe out the last traces of my speech problems. I never want to forget how I feel today. Kinda holding my own feet to the fire, so to speak.

So here I go...I'm out to conquer.

Keep this in your prayers...and wish me luck.

Thanks, and a thought

I just took a look at the statistics for my blog.

According to them, yesterday(Monday, 1/14)was the second busiest day for activity in the nearly two years I've had this little corner of the web.

And this month has been the most active one as well.

Now, I never started doing this with the idea that it would be a "must read" spot on the web for people to go and surf. And I have no illusions that with this extra activity, this blog has now become(or is becoming)a "hot spot" for those who routinely visit southern gospel oriented web blogs...I know that is not the case.

For this blog has no pretensions about being a "news site" or a place where the most compelling thoughts and opinions are posted...all it's ever been is about me, and what I think of phenomena involving gospel music, my personal life, the lives of my friends, and the work of fellow bloggers. That's all I ever intended it to be...and frankly, it's all that I can do.

And even at the outset, some of my postings were misinterpreted, deliberately taken out of context, and the subject of ill-informed personal attacks on certain otherwise well-intentioned message boards. That is all passed and gone...water under the bridge, as it were. But it gave me pause to consider why would people go to so much trouble to publicly villify me without even taking the time to contact me about my intentions, and not just go someplace else and ignore me if they truly felt I was such an objectionable person.

Of course, by being here and sharing my thoughts with the world it can be rightly argued that I open myself up for that kind of reaction. And if that comes with the territory, so be it. The benefits to me from sharing my thoughts and ideas with you, my friends, far outweigh the occasional catty(pun intended)comments I get from those who are not willing to read, communicate, or otherwise understand.

Enough digression...here is my point today.

I am truly happy and proud that this humble portion of the web is being visited and read more frequently of late. And I want to send all of you who have done so(and especially you frequent visitors)my sincere thanks for taking the time to peek through this little window to my heart and mind. I really appreciate it.

And whenever I imagine that I might not get the credit nor attention that some of my colleagues get, I think of (what else?)a gospel song that expresses what I'd like to think.

This particular song is a country gospel song, written(I think)by Hank Cochran, a well known name among country songwriters and performers. I first heard it on the second album Porter Wagoner recorded with the Blackwood Brothers in 1966("More Grand Ol' Gospel")...it's titled "You're Not Home Yet".

It is a story song, with Wagoner doing a recitation midway through(as he often did). He tells the story of a preacher and a "celebrity" aboard a plane, flying back to America(presumably)after spending some time abroad. The preacher is described as one who had worked hard preaching abroad, and had "won a lot of souls". But as Wagoner continues his story, when they arrive, there was a huge crowd of admirers there to shower adoration upon the celebrity. By contrast, there was "...no one there to greet the preacher". Wagoner says at that point the preacher looked to the heavens and said, "Lord, did you forget?" And the preacher then heard God's voice saying, "No, son...I didn't forget...but you must remember, you're not home yet."

And then the song goes into the chorus...

You're not home, you're not home
You're not home yet
I can still hear my Lord's voice ringing
There'll be no crowd to greet you
No choir of angels to meet you
(Spoken)No son, I didn't forget
But remember, you're not home yet

I can wait.

All is well

I realize that some of you who come by here(well, at least one or two of you!)might be wondering how I'm doing, inasmuch as I haven't posted a new entry here for several days.

Well, to ALL of you(since I never know who might be reading at a given moment), let me just say....I'm doing mighty fine!

Things are going really well, if a bit hectic, especially considering how busy it is normally for me at this time of year. I assure one and all that I have not been lacking for thoughts so much as I've been lacking the opportunity to sit down and compose them here to you.

But once I do, rest assured that this will be one of the first places I'll share them!

In fact, if there is something you'd like me to share here, please feel free to leave a comment and/or suggestion....I am always willing to answer requests, and analyze thoughts and ideas you may have as well.

Truth comes from strange places

There might be hope for me yet.

Sometimes I go through my daily tasks, trying to do what I think God wants me to, and I just can't seem to see Him.

Then again, sometimes I see Him and hear Him speak to me when I'm not even looking for Him.

Monday night, I was listening to the San Francisco 49ers get beat(again)...it was their seventh straight defeat since opening the NFL season with two wins. In an effort to explain why the 49ers were having such difficulty now, the team's color analyst, Gary Plummer, said that when you're in the midst of a long losing streak, you tend to become frustrated.

And after a while, your frustration becomes so intense that you depart from the game plan in hopes of turning the momentum around, and when that happens, you tend to confuse your teammates because you are no longer "on the same page" with them...you are playing for yourself, and things usually get worse for your team. The lesson? Stick with what you know...stick with the game plan...and have faith that things will eventually turn around.

I don't think Plummer is a preacher, but I couldn't help but think when I was listening to all that that our lives are exactly like that. Sometimes we go through losing streaks...where things don't ever seem to go right for us, no matter what we do. And we, like the 49ers, get frustrated with things and start wondering if we should depart from the game plan to try to turn the momentum around. Yet we as Christians have the greatest coach there's ever been...God Himself...and when we depart from His carefully determined game plan for our lives, we end up not being "on His page"...and our losing multiplies.

The way out? To stick with His game plan...and trust that things will get better if we follow it. My life history tells me it will when I do just that...and it won't when I don't.

So God spoke to me where I least expected Him to, and when I least expected to. And you know what? I'm going to try to be a better player and follow my Coach's game plan better. And maybe, just maybe, I won't have to wait until next week to start winning again...maybe I just might start doing it tomorrow.

Yes, there might be hope for me yet.

A tough week

I apologize for being so quiet this week.

Now some out there might not mind my quietness much, but I enjoy stopping by here and sharing this, that, or the other thought with you...and I know a lot of you enjoy it, too. But this has been a difficult week, mostly because I've been reminded once again of our limited mortality...of the fact that we only have so much time allotted to us down here, and I'm reminded anew how important it is to take adavntage of every moment we're given here to make a difference in the lives of others.

So are my colleagues at work, brutally so these days.

We at KMJ radio are adjusting to our new leader, Skip Essick, who is doing a fine job in this, just his third month at the helm. A heritage news/talk station is often the most difficult to be a new manager of, especially when you're following a predecessor of some 26 years who did a fine job. But Skip has eased in quite well, thank you...and is keeping us in the ratings lead while simultaneously improving our sound in order to keep us at the top of our game.

But this month alone, four of our fellow radio market colleagues have been summoned home to their eternal destiny(whatever that may be), and it is never easy to replace people we've known for a long time in our lives, no matter what anyone tells you.

Two of those were radio veterans who worked for competitors, but we all knew them as friends and good people who gave our business a good name...and we miss them very much already.

One of them, Allen Tatarian, was a good personal friend of mine, whose father Roger was an award winning journalist both locally and internationally. Allen had one of the best radio voices ever, and always made me laugh with a fresh joke seeimngly every time I saw him. He was dedicated to his work, and to having a good time doing it.

The other two were salespeople who worked in our own building. One of them I didn't know as well as I could have, because since we moved into a three story building ten years ago, I seldom saw those who worked on the lower floors. But what I did know of her I liked...she had a sunny spirit and breathed life into every room she entered.

The other one I knew from back in the early 1990s in our "single-story" days...she was always friendly, witty, and full of energy. In those days she made sure all of us on-air people had plenty of work to do...she was talented, and productive.

Unbeknownst to me, she also suffered from occasional seizures...I never saw any of them, though.

Evidently that particular problem had worsened in recent years, though, and yesterday she had one at work. This of course alarmed many of her colleagues working alongside her, and they called for medical help for her.

When it came, apparently it was too late. She was declared brain dead before she could be treated.

I'll miss Carol Ray...she was a friend, and a delight to work with. All yesterday afternoon, our office was somber, as if it were in collective shock.

Anytime something of that nature occurs to one of us in our workplace, we're all concerned. And we think of what might happen of any of us someday. The reaction was much the same when I suffered my stroke five years ago, and when our leading personality, Ray Appleton, suffered his stroke just five months before I did.

Ray and I are still around, which we and our colleagues are thankful for. But when will our time finally come, and do we all have the things we need taken care of taken care of when it does?

I do...and I can only pray and hope that my other colleagues, along with Allen, Carol, Steve, and Beth do too.

That being said, and as much as I'm looking forward to my eternity, I'm in no hurry to leave...yet!

Angels in strange places

God surely does have His ways.

Today started out being a day like any other...up at the crack of dawn, my walk, a hurried breakfast, then off to work.

Once I got there, disturbing news was waiting for me. That news kept me in a funk all morning, and only the professionalism that God imbued me with got me through the first half of the day.

Then came the afternoon...although it was payday, my check wasn't as big as I'd hoped it would be...which made my bill paying rounds after work a bit painful for my spirit. It's a lousy feeling to spend a good chunk of your paycheck right after you got it...especially when you know there are more bills to pay in the coming days.

And still, the news I thought I had recieved in the morning was still lingering in my mind...I knew what I should be doing with it...but my spirits were too down for me to do what I knew I should do. I must have been a real joy(not!)to the people I was seeing this afternoon.

But a smile from an employee of my bank(in the midst of my grouchiest moment)started me back in the right direction...how could I be surly to such a warm, caring person? As I left the bank, I thanked the employee for enduring me at my worst.

Then it was off to a restaurant for dinner...I was still in my blue mood...but I knew that good food would help.

And it did...but I had no idea what was coming during my meal. A waitress(not the one waiting on me)came by to me, and asked me if I was OK...my first thought when someone asks me that is, "Uh oh, why is she asking me THAT? Do I look sick or something?"

And I did ask her that...but she said with a smile, "No, I just wanted to make sure you were being taken care of...", and I knew right away Who sent her my way.

A few minutes later, I got her aside and thanked her for her concern, and told her how much it meant to me that she would come by on a day like today was, and simply ask if I was OK...with no ulterior motive, and no strings attached. I told her that I recognized her as an angel sent by God to show me how much He cared for me...and that made her smile again.

Smiles are infectous...when I saw hers, I burst into one of my own...how touched I was that this sweet young lady, who was just doing what she felt was her duty in seeing to it that one of the restaurant's customers was doing OK, would act so caring and Christlike in so doing. It just goes to show that you never know where Jesus might show up...and I really felt like the "least of these" today...and she came at the right time for me.

When I got home, I went online...then spent a whole lot of time in prayer...then took a walk to go get something to snack on for the evening. I live next door to a fire station, and as I was almost home, one of the firemen there, who never fails to give me a cheerful greeting when he sees me on my morning walk, greeted me cheerily again...and then he too asked if I was OK.

I'm not one of those people that reflexively says "fine" if I'm not feeling that way...so when I told him how I was really feeling, a compassionate smile crossed his face, and then he reached out and gave me a hug...and told me that anytime I needed to talk to someone, to just come by and see him. Again, I knew Who sent this friendly fireman...and I affirmed that to him...and he gave me a brisk "Amen!" and hugged me one more time. Another angel where I least expected one.

Suddenly, my day was turning out much better than how it started. When I got back online, I found that the news I had thought was so disturbing this morning was really good news for me.

Finally, I got a nice e-card from a new dear friend...who updated me on what was going on in her life, which was something I had been praying about all week. I thought the intial news was bad there, too...but her clarification reminded me Who was truly in charge.

Why do so many of us do that? When we know that our God is in charge, and will never let us out of His sight, and will always take care of us, why do we get carried away sometimes, and act as if He's not paying attention? Of course He is...and I know it!

I'm glad he showed me His love for me through His angels disguised as a waitress, a fireman, and a close friend.

Thank you, Lord...it was a GOOD day today! And I know that You'll straighten out this other stuff, so I'm not worried anymore.

Thank you, John Broeske

Tomorrow marks the end of an era in my life.

The only boss I've ever had in my 21 years working at KMJ Radio is officially retiring tomorrow.

John Broeske is being remembered by his peers and associates in the radio business as one of the most successful radio programmers in the nation, and justifiably so, for keeping KMJ among the top rated news/talk radio stations during the 26 years he has been at the station.

But that's only a small part of the reason I will remember him fondly, and never forget him.

The major reason is that he gave this boy from Kerman, who always wanted to be on the radio, his lifelong dream.

I came to KMJ in 1986 while I was still a midday on-air personality at a big band station across town. There was actually no opening at KMJ when I was hired, but John was impressed enough by what he heard of me to put me on call at Fresno's heritage radio station.

Another fellow got the job I was applying for(he's still there now, as one of the staff's engineers).

But because so many of the employees got lots of vacation time, I got plenty of work at that time filling in...and I learned radio really fast working at KMJ's feverish pace.

In fact, it wasn't long before I got some plum on air assignments of my own. Thanks to those(and KMJ's large audience)I became a well-known area air personality as a result of being featured on the air there. And John made all that happen for me, by taking a chance on me, because he believed in me.

I became well-known for hosting one of the station's most venerable shows, a garage sale type program known as Radio Tradio. So many people listened and participated in that program that it seemed everywhere I went, people recognized my name and my voice.

John also noticed my interest in sports, and in the early 1990s, he chose me to be the host of the postgame edition of "Dog Talk"...a call in show to follow our exclusive coverage of Fresno State football and basketball. That show earned me even more recognition, and John rewarded me for my success at that show by making me the afternoon drive sports reporter(and fill-in host)on the station's PM drive news.

In fact, John had me doing every on air job on the station, including news anchor, traffic reporter, farm show host, and relief talk show host(on holidays). People are still fondly talking about my 4th of July and Thanksgiving shows, and I wish I still did them.

So thank you John, for letting me do that for you(and KMJ).

But that's not all.

In 2002, I suffered a stroke which still impacts my speech to this day. In most radio stations, that would mean pink slip time(radio is a cruel business sometimes).

But not with John Broeske.

He realized that I knew the KMJ operation as well or better than anyone else, and that I could still do everything else I had been doing there at that time. So he just changed my duties. I didn't get demoted, nor did I get a pay cut...I've just gone on, doing the very same things I've been doing for all these years, minus the on-air duties.

I miss those terribly. I would give nearly anything if I could regain them. At this point, I feel(and so do MANY others)that I am more then able to resume those duties. But John has not allowed me to do that, and he is convinced I'm not ready. I have pleaded my case many times over the past five years in vain to get them back, but John has been adamant, and I am still limited to mostly behind the scenes work.

But at least I'm working...and the window remains to reclaim my dream if the opportunity should arise...not everyone can say that. And certainly not many in the radio business have that opportunity.

(John has graciously allowed me to continue co-hosting our legendary gospel music program...so I'm still able to be involved in what I love most).

Lest you think I'm complaining, nothing can be farther from the truth. John has always been nothing less than fair and honest, not only with me, but with everyone at KMJ. As much as he may admire my spirit and determination to regain my duties, he knows what he's paid for to do at KMJ. And he rightly refuses to let his personal feelings interfere with his professional judgment...and his judgment has proven to be more correct than not in 26 years, which is why he's been here so long.

So I also say thank you John, for the opportunities...and allowing me to stay in the field I've always loved. And thank you for treating me like anyone else in the process.

Unlike many in radio, John is unfailingly honest and straightforward. If you want to know what he thinks, simply ask him...he will always tell you the truth...as he sees it.

These are the types of people I respect the most.

Most of what I believe about doing radio, I learned from John. Like talk shows...their quality is not determined by the amount of phone calls you get, but on your content, and how well you present it. I've always followed John's advice and passed it on to others...when you prepare for a two-hour talk show, prepare two hours worth of material. Prepare as if you'll get no calls whatsoever. This is why our talk shows sound good by comparison to 90% of what's on the air elsewhere.

John has earned his retirement after 26 years...and while I'll always miss him here, he deserves to enjoy the time he has left to enjoy.

So John, for the chances, the opportunities, the confidence and belief in me you've showed, and for being fair, honest, and insisting that I do my best at all times, thank you.

The next KMJ PD has some mighty big shoes to fill...good luck, Skip Essick.

The Joy Of Knowing Jesus

Last night, I printed the lyrics to a song that seems to sum up how my life has gone in many ways.

While doing so, I pointed out that it was not the song that defines my life the most, but that a Neil Enloe classic did that...and quite nicely, thank you.

So tonight, in the interests of equal time, and with the hope that these lyrics will bless you as they've blessed me for over 30 years, I present the following for your perusal.

Here are the lyrics to Neil Enloe's "The Joy Of Knowing Jesus"(hope it's OK to do this, Neil...). Those who know me will know why this song mirrors what's inside my heart and soul.

All the angels rejoiced when my soul made the choice
To kneel down in prayer and find Jesus there.
Then my name was inscribed in the Lamb's Book of Life
And since that day I've been in His care.

(Chorus)
Oh, the joy of knowing Jesus
And to walk in His love divine
When in death I must cross over Jordan's banks
I shall cross with His hand in mine.

As the spirit now pleads, take account of your deeds
Can you really say you are happy today?
If this Savior you'll find, you will have peace of mind
For Jesus bore all our sins that day.(repeat chorus)

I Just Wasn’t Made For These Times

I'm sure that if each of us sits down and really thinks about it, we can think of a song(or two, or three, or more)that truly sums up what we're all about personally.

In my case, the very first song that leaps to my mind is Neil Enloe's "The Joy Of Knowing Jesus", a song that I essentially adopted as my anthem in October 1975, when I chose to allow Jesus Christ to be the Lord and Savior of my life, That song sums up what I'm about as well as any song does.

But there are songs of a more secular nature that can define us as well. And in my case, I often hark back to this one...a song written in 1966 by Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys and lyricist Tony Asher, one that appeared on the Beach Boys' groundbreaking "Pet Sounds" album.

Even though I've long ago adopted the joy of knowing Jesus, this following song still describes the way I feel often down deep inside myself.

It is called "I Just Wasn't Made For These Times", and I'll share the lyrics of it here.

I Just Wasn't Made For These Times(Beach Boys)


(Brian Wilson/Tony Asher)
I keep looking for a place to fit
Where I can speak my mind
I've been trying hard to find the people
That I won't leave behind

They say I got brains
But they ain't doing me no good
I wish they could

Each time things start to happen again
I think I got something good goin' for myself
But what goes wrong

Sometimes I feel very sad
Sometimes I feel very sad
(Can't find nothin' I can put my heart and soul into)
Sometimes I feel very sad
(Can't find nothin' I can put my heart and soul into)

I guess I just wasn't made for these times

Every time I get the inspiration
To go change things around
No one wants to help me look for places
Where new things might be found

Where can I turn when my fair weather friends cop out
What's it all about

Each time things start to happen again
I think I got something good goin' for myself
But what goes wrong

Sometimes I feel very sad
Sometimes I feel very sad
(Can't find nothin' I can put my heart and soul into)
Sometimes I feel very sad
(Can't find nothin' I can put my heart and soul into)

I guess I just wasn't made for these times
I guess I just wasn't made for these times
I guess I just wasn't made for these times
I guess I just wasn't made for these times
I guess I just wasn't made for these times
I guess I just wasn't made for these times

The last line of the song IS repeated over and over in the Beach Boys' recording of the song.

Even though I often wonder why I'm here now on this earth, it's because of that joy of knowing Jesus I have that allows me to rejoice in the fact that I'm here now...and alive and well.

Any of you have songs that just really hit home like that?

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